Thomas: "Ooh, a walk, I wanna go on my scooter!"
Me: "Well, no, buddy, we're actually running around the circle here, and sister and the dogs will keep you company. It's cold and dark, and we're going pretty fast."
Thomas: "Nope, gonna ride my scooter, I'll be fast."
Annalie: "I'm gonna ride my scooter too!"
Don: "........."
Me: "Well, okay then. But I'm serious about us going fast. No stopping, it's too cold."
Kids: "We got it, yay!"
Me: "Are you gonna wear those shorts and t-shirts? I said it's cold!!"
Kids: "We'll put on light jackets, we like being cold."
Me: "Great...."
About 10 minutes pass of us trying to herd two kids and two giant dogs out the door but failing, kind of like trying to eat noodles with a spoon. But eventually we make it! Off we go!
About three minutes into the run, on our first hill, we no longer see Thomas. He has fallen way behind and doesn't want to go fast up the hill. He "doesn't like hills." I think well tough shit little buddy, you knew the hill was here beforehand. So we encourage him to catch up.
Five minutes in, we get stopped by a neighbor, and he loses interest again. The dogs are ecstatic though. Off we go again after untangling some leashes.
Eight minutes in, we make it to the top of the last hill after losing both kids for a moment. Then Thomas declares that we HAVE to go to the pool so they can do some circles. Fine, if it keeps you moving. One dog doesn't like that, she knows our normal route and damn well refuses to go. She weighs 70lbs, so it takes a moment but we get her on track with the rest of us.
10 minutes in, we're at the pool doing circles and both kids are suddenly pissed. Annalie wants to make designs with her scooter, and Thomas isn't guessing her designs. He's instead following her and copying her to make her mad. He doesn't know why she's so angry. Screaming commences. So we say goodbye to the pool.
15 minutes in, we're back to the previous intersection, where we continue our regular route. All hell breaks loose. Neither kid wants to go on, they need to go home that very moment. Thomas suddenly gets an untied shoelace that he can't tie because his fingers are "frozen and can't move." It's only 45 degrees, but whatever. He probably heard it from Annalie, who was screaming at the top of her lungs about how numb she was. I tie his shoelace and coerce him to come along, and I remind Annalie that we can still hear her and that her helmet muffles sound.
20 minutes in, we make it to the end of the neighborhood! Another neighbor stops us, Thomas won't catch up because he knows he can skip that last 40 feet and turn around and he considers this a win. I try to get one dog to poop (he's a walk-pooper, usually half mile in and this is much farther), but the neighbor has distracted him. We turn around to go home.
23 minutes in, and the fucking dog has to poop now. I start to run faster, because we tried so hard to get the kids out the door that we forgot the poo bags. No way am I stopping at a yard and leaving dog poo there to come back for later! Annalie tries tokeep up and does well. She's attempting to yell-talk to me, but I can't even listen because the dog is miserable and trying not to shit himself, and he keeps weaving in front of me. Thomas and Don stay behind with the other dog ,but Thomas is moving faster now fortunately for Don.
25 minutes in, and we make it back. I rush to let the dog poo, Thomas collapses in the garage because everything hurts, Annalie just quietly goes back to her laptop, Don rushes to make dinner, and I resist the urge to have a drink.
But we ran. Right?? Does that count? It sure as hell better. You can't win them all.
